I'm Bummed.. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself but it's hard....

The year of 2009 had been the most wonderful year of my life, when it comes to the changes my life has taken with Patrick back in my life. I want to start with that, since it is the most positive thing that has happened to me this year. And I am not sure I would have gotten through this year (sanely) if it weren't for Patrick. He is truly a Godsend in my life.

Now is when I am going to vent a tad. I need to get this out of my head. If nobody reads this blog, I am okay with that.. as long as I have it out of my little brain, I hope to feel better.
I have always been a fairly healthy person. I get the occasional cold or sinus infection, but nothing bad. I am pretty young, I try to eat right (I don't eat fast food), I know I do not drink enough water, but I am trying to get better at that. I wash my hands obsessively. I hate germs and will do my best to not open doors other people have touched without having something to grab the handle with. I take vitamins daily, I do everything I know to do to stay as healthy as possible. But this year, 2009, has been the year of sickness for Rebecca. And I am downright tired of it. First I will list everything that has gone wrong:
1) Had freckle taken off my lip and mole off my nose- to ensure they were not cancerous. Thank goodness they weren't!
2) Went to doctor because I was having real bad chest pains and tightness, I was diagnosed with Asthma
3) Had to go to back to the Doctor because Asthma inhaler gave me severe thrush; lost my voice for 2 months, had to change medicine
4) Was told have extremely low iron because I don't eat meat, have to take iron supplements daily and still fighting to get that darn iron up
5) Because of my low iron, this has made my restless leg syndrome get worse. I know this because I had to have a night AND day sleep study because I was finding that I was constantly sleepy throughout my day and could fall asleep and nap at any moment I had available.
6) They cannot treat the RLS because my iron is too low, once I get it up, if it is still as bad as it is now, they will treat it. As it stands now, I constantly move all night long-- it's weird to see yourself asleep but even crazier to see how much I move!
7) I also have HyperSomnia (which is excessive daytime sleepiness). The doctor told Patrick I was not wired right. (Yeah, that is a great thing for my future husband to hear, "Sorry Mr. Jobe, she's just not wired correctly) Doctor said I get more than plenty of sleep but my brain is telling my body I have not had enough, therefore I am sleepy- all the time! The medicine they gave me is not covered by my insurance so I have to take another medicine for 2 weeks, tell the insurance company that medicine failed and then they will give me the medicine I am supposed to have to begin with)
8) Had a sinus infection for over a month this summer- went to the doctor at least twice for that
9) I have been to the doctor 4 times in the last 6 weeks with reoccurring UTI's. Not pleasant!
10) And now not only do I have another UTI, but have a respiratory infection.

I am not sure what I did to piss off the Health Gods this year, but I am just over this. I constantly tell Patrick I am not the sickly type. Before this year, you could hardly even get me to go to the doctor. I truly thank God daily for Patrick's understanding and support in everything that has happened with me this year. He has stood by my side each time. At every appointment. I can only pray that he realizes that I will do what it takes to be the healthy bride that I need and want to be. I just feel bad. Bad for him for having to have to deal with my issues. Nobody should have to put up with this crap. Me included. All I can do is pray for a HEALTHY 2010. Because my health this year has just been pathetic! Thank you Patrick for standing by me. You are the most wonderful man a woman could ask for! All I can say is Thank God for Love.

There, I feel better having said that. If you read this blog in it's entirety, thanks for reading.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!

As we come upon this holiday season, remember what Thanksgiving is all about! It is a day for expressing thanks for the good things in life, especially family and friends. For many Americans, Thanksgiving is the only time of year when all members of a family gather together. More than any other holiday, Thanksgiving is a celebration of family and home.

I am thankful for every blessing I have in my life! I could list them all but this blog would be so long!

Here is wishing all my friends and family a very Happy Thanksgiving!! I love you all!

Devastation!!!

Devastation: the feeling of being confounded or overwhelmed; stunned

My friends, sheer and utter devastation has set upon me on this beautiful Tuesday. At approximately 12:20(CST), I was sitting in my car, saying goodbye to my sweetie in the driveway. Today in Texas, it is a bright, sunny, cool- breeze in your hair, fall day! Absolutely gorgeous day outside. As I glance into my visor mirror, I see shimmer on my head. Something shiny. Something that looks out of place. I get closer to the mirror and the devastation occurs.

I HAVE A GRAY HAIR!!

Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with gray hair, except when it is on me! Everyone says, it's no big deal, it's pretty, it's distinguishing...yeah-yeah, I hear ya... that's your head. We are talking about me here and this is my hair and it's horrible!

I frantically call Patrick back to the car to show him this "THING" on my head. He tries to pass it off as one of the highlights in my hair. I say to him, "No honey, there is no highlight on that particular clump of hair. This hair is different, it's shiny, it's wirey!" It's definitely gray and IT'S HIDEOUS! Patrick then proceeds to want to pull this monstrosity out of my head, but I will allow none of that! "Don't you know when you pull a hair, two grow back in its place! I don't want two!! One is bad enough!" So he leaves it be, per my command.

Another kicker to this story is that this demon piece of hair decided not to come in on the back of my head. A place I will never see it. No, no, no, it's right on the hairline of my face over by my ear! I wear my hair up quite a bit and it's right there-- for all to see, in its shining, shimmering and wirey glory! Is this why I didn't get carded on Saturday night at the bar? Did the door guy see my grey hair and know I was old? My sister who is 5 years older got carded and I didn't! Was this a sign of today coming? Was today the day that I HAD to discover this creature of another color on my head?

I am doomed in life to get gray hair. This is a fact I have known for a long time as both my mother and father possess this trait. I have not however, expected or prepared myself for gray hair at 33 years old! I don't even have a kid yet! Couldn't it wait for me to at least become a parent before rearing it's ugly shiny, shimmering self?

With this tragedy being fresh on my mind, I decided to do a little fact finding of gray hair. Here is goes:

1) Hair turns gray slowly over time. As you get older, the production of your color pigment slows down and gray hair begins to appear. (WHAT?? My color pigment is slowing down! I’m still young!)

2) Your chance of going gray increases 10-20% every decade after 30 years. (HOLY COW, I’m just 33—not even close to 40, so what happened to my 30’s decade. This statement says “every decade AFTER 30”)

3) There is no scientific evidence that any diet, herb, supplement, or natural product can prevent or reverse gray hair. (And now you are saying to me that I have no control over the infestation of grey over my head?)

4) Gray hair is very coarse and wirey. (For real, this is no longer funny! My hair is horribly curly, frizzy and fine as it is. Now you are adding coarse and wirey to the mix~ This is not fair!)

At this point, I guess I only have 3 options:
1) Hope that all the other hair follicles on my head scares this gray follicle so much that he will pack his bags and leave! (this is my 1st preference but I doubt it will happen!)
2) Pull it-- (Ouch and NO, I don't want to be bothered by 2 more!)
3) Have Missy the hair dresser and her magic brush take care of you the next time I go to the salon (Unfortunately I just had my hair done so I will have to live with this irritation for at least 6 more weeks!)

So there it is boys and girls. This has been my terrifying, horrifying, devastating experience of the day! May not be much to you- but it sure got me going! :)

The Value of a Kiss

GREAT FACTS ABOUT THE VALUE OF KISS

1. An act of kissing puts 29 facial muscles in motion. In other words, kissing can be used as an effective exercise to prevent the development of wrinkles.

2. Lovers swap saliva containing various substances e.g. fats, mineral salts, proteins while kissing. According to latest studies, the exchange of the above substances can give a boost to the production of antibodies which are made specifically to deal with the antigens associated with different diseases as they are encountered.

3. As a rule, 66 percent of people keep their eyes closed while kissing. The rest take pleasure in watching the emotions run the gamut on the faces of their partners.

4. According to U.S. statistics, an American woman would kiss an average of 80 men before she gets married.

5. A quick romantic kiss will burn about 2-3 calories, whereas French kiss (an open mouthed kiss with tongue contact) will obliterate more than 5 calories.

6. Sensitivity of the lips is 200 times higher than that of the fingers.

7. It is thought that men who kiss their wives goodbye before going to work live five years longer than those who just slam the door. Men of the latter category are said to be more prone to traffic accidents.

8. Smooching passionately for 90 seconds will elevate blood pressure and cause the pulse rate to go racing. It will also increase the level of hormones in the blood, thus reducing life by one minute.

9. French kiss is called a “juncture of souls” in France . Not only the lips do the job, the tongues come into play too. The passionate French invented another variety of the soul kiss in which only the tongues are employed.

10. Contrary to a popular belief, the Eskimos do not merely rub their noses against each other ina display of love and affection. The lips open up a bit once the organs of the kissing partners meet. Then the Eskimos take a deep breath and send the air out while holding their lips closed. After savoring the scent of each other, the partners press noses against each other’s cheeks and freeze for a minute of two.

Babies vs. Puppies

I simply LOVE babies. But do you know what else I LOVE?? PUPPIES! Being a 33 year old woman, getting ready to get married, everytime I see a baby, I get this feeling. This feeling deep down in the depths of my being. I need one, I want one, I must have one!! But the weirdest thing happens when I see puppies, I feel the same way!! Whether it be puppies at Petsmart or puppies on the street or puppies our friends have- I must have one! Maybe it's the motherly instinct in me trying to get out, maybe I am just pure crazy.. I don't know- but anyone with babies or puppies just better stay away... because you are torturing me!

44 Minutes

If you have not seen this film-- it's a must see. We watched it tonight and I am still in awe of the heroes we have that protect our streets each and every day! 44 Minutes is based on a true story of the 1997 North Hollywood shootout. Two bank robbers armed with AK-47 assault rifles and full body armor opened fire on over 200 police officers and innocent civilians. The officer's extreme courage, valor and training put this horrible massacre to an end.

Now I know, having a police officer for a fiance', that at any day, at any time, something can go wrong. People ask me all the time "how do you do it?" After watching this movie, it made me think. "How do I do it?" My Daddy was a Dallas cop when I was a girl-- is that "how I do it"?? No, because I did not understand the power of this job/this position. It was so hard sending Patrick to work after watching this true movie. Watching so many officers put into the line of fire. These patrol men and patrol women who roam our streets day & night truly have guts. They put their lives on the line for us, day in & day out. They see things no-one should ever have to see. Officers will put themselves in harms way, just to protect a stranger. They would die for someone they don't even know. They do this every single day and there are no words to express their bravery. Their will. Their dedication.

As you can see, it's almost 2:00am & I am awake. As I lie in our cozy bed, with all our critters snuggled up to me, listening to my police scanner, I hear all the bad events of what is going on in the streets of Dallas on a Friday night. This is where Patrick is. This is his job. He is working. It can be hard. Most police wives I know don't listen to scanners.Tthey don't want to hear their loved one if something does happen, I am just the opposite. Hearing Patrick throughout the night helps me know he is safe. He is OK. However, on the bad side of things, if something tragic were to happen, at least I would hopefully be able to hear his words, his call for help, his voice..one more time. Those reading this may be thinking -- "don't say things like that", but it's the truth. It's my truth and I am okay with that. But for the most part, what keeps me sane, what keeps me from worrying is knowing that Patrick knows he is loved. He knows I am home waiting for him and has something to come home for. He will do everything in his power to walk in that door after every shift. I have to trust him and know that regardless, he is doing what he loves. And that is what cops do. They do their job for us. For me, for you, for our neighbors, for those in crisis, for everyone.

In closing, I just want to say that this movie just proved to me what I already knew. Be thankful for those who fight for us. Our police, our troops, our God. These 3 entities keep us safe. They allow us to live our lives in peace and harmony. They are the ones who deal with the bad & the ugly & we all need to take a little time, every chance we get, to tell them thank you.

I would like to share a couple of passages from the Bible in regards to law enforcement. I have found peace in these verses & hope you do too. And before I leave, I will share my nightly prayer with you:

Heavenly father, thank you so much for another day filled with peace & love. As I close my eyes now, please be with Patrick & all of his brothers and sisters that are protecting our streets. Give them the strength, courage, the will, fight and patience to make it through their shift safely. Guide them and protect them, as they are protecting me. Thank you Father, for being the ultimate protector of us all. For watching over us & keeping us safe. I know all of our fate is in your hands, I trust you with this. I know you know what is best for me, best for Patrick and best for others. You lead our hearts, you lead our minds, you lead our souls. In God's name I pray, Amen.

Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God"

Romans 13:1-5 "Let every person be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.vs2 Therefore he who resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.vs3 For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same; vs4 for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath upon the one who practices evil.

~Sweet dreams world~

FYI... It's now 2:41 am- Patrick just got called out to a shooting, as did many other officers... thank God for bullet proof vests....

Time Flies

My mother is celebrating her 60 birthday this weekend! This special occasion made me think about how much time has changed! In my 33 years, things have drastically changed, so I can only imagine how momma must feel having experienced an additional 27 years! So in honor of this special day, I have decided to put a few facts down about how times were in 1949 when she was born.
Costs:
Car: $1,650
Gasoline: 26 cents/gal
House: $14,500
Bread: 14 cents/loaf
Milk: 84 cents/gal
Eggs: 25 cents/dozen
Candy Bar: 5 cents
Soda: 5 cents
Postage Stamp: 3 cents
Movie Admission: 60 cents
Stock Market: 200Average
Annual Salary: $3,600
Minimum Wage: 40 cents per hour
Unemployment: 5.9%
Life Expectancy: 68 years

Other interesting facts:
-RCA Perfects a system for broadcasting color television
-First Polaroid Camera sold for $89.95
-The Emmy Awards for US Television first presented
-A new type of TV programming appeared, Soap Operas (the name came from the fact many soap manufacturers sponsored the shows to catch the stay at home mom with advertising) .
-First Volkswagen Beetle The Peoples Car sold in US
-The first automatic street lights are installed in New Milford, Connecticut
-The world's first commercially available computer 'The Ferranti Mark 1' was released
-President's salary increases to $100,000
-More then 50% of men smoke regularly, along with about 33% of women
-The Soviet Union tests its first atomic bomb

A few of the people born in 1949:
Wolfgang Puck, celebrity chef
George Foreman, boxer
Andy Kaufman, comedian
Robert Palmer, singer/guitarist
John Belushi, actor
Eddie Money, singer
Erik Estrada, actor
Patrick Duffy, actor
John Oates, musician ("Hall and Oates")
Billy Joel American musician
Hank Williams Jr., singer
Tom Berenger, actor
Jeff Bridges, actor

In 2036, I will turn 60. I am excited (and a little scared) for what the future has in store. We are a world and society of change.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Mahatma Gandhi

I have no clue what I am doing...

Well, here I go. I have never blogged. And as my title states, I have no clue what I am doing. But I am going to give it my best shot!

I have to start by saying where I got my inspiration to start this blog. My cousin Mandy is a terrific writer and she has a blog. She has begun blogging frequently and her messages move me. I tend to be the person who sometimes hold in my thoughts. When I really get into
uncomfortable situations, I won't speak, I will just hold my thoughts in. After taking time to process information, I sometimes find it soothing to write my thoughts down. Other times, I just think of stupid saying and thoughts and I just write them down to laugh at myself-- or just to remember what stupid thing I said so I can tell people later! So this will now be a venue I will use to express my thoughts, feelings, and at times I am sure, my stupid thoughts! All I ask of any of my readers, if I ever have any-- please do not judge anything I write. Thoughts I write will be just that, my thoughts. My true feelings. Things I have learned. Things I like. No more, no less.

I will not start this blog with my life story, as most people reading this will already know most of it! I will just start at where my life it today. An engaged woman, who is getting married in 141 days. A woman who is marrying the love of her life. A woman who feels blessed by all that I have in life. Many of you know of Patrick, my soon to be husband. I am sure he will be referenced in many of my posts. Some of you may not know much of Patrick, so here is what I can say about him. Patrick is a special soul who is full of peace and love. Never in my life have I met a man who is so attentive, loving, funny, handsome, charasmatic, charming, cute as a button, old fasioned, and giving! I could go on for days on what a special man I have! Patrick works as a Dallas Police Officer in Oak Cliff. He is a GREAT cop! He works in a BAD area of Dallas and works Midnight-8:00am. I admire his love for the job and his dedication in helping people! I must say, at times I am even jealous of how much he loves his job. He is doing the job of his dreams. He couldn't imagine doing anything else; this alone makes me want to find my calling in life. Don't get me wrong, I have a GREAT job! I love the people I work with. I have stability, get paid decently, and am good at what I do. But it's not what I love. This is something I am working through my head, as I want to find what Patrick has in his career. Pure happiness. A job is not always easy and not always pleasurable, but when you love what you do- that makes all the difference. That is what keeps you coming back everyday. Not the paycheck...the love of the job. As I sit at my desk, in my office at 11am, tucked away from the world, he is still at work because he busted an auto-theft ring! Who does that? When I talk to him on the phone, I can hear his adrenaline, I can hear his excitement. I cannot tell you when I have had those emotions while working. It's truly amazing. Now don't get me wrong, I could never be a cop. I hate confrontation. I hate seeing people hurt or in need. I hate being bossy. I just need to find my niche in life. And I know I will, at some point-- right???

Well I have truly rambled on my first post and I apologize to those who get bored by my long exerpts. All I can say is, if you ever get bored by what I write, there is a black X in the top right hand corner of your screen, feel free to use it. This blog is to help me get thoughts out of my brain so I can free up some space! This will be my venue to just write, the good, bad and ugly. It will just be me and my thoughts... in the raw.