Reality is upon me....

Wow! It's been forever since I have blogged. To my one reader, if I even still have one (mom)... I am truly sorry. Since we have gotten back from our honeymoon, we have just been busy enjoying married life and I have not sat down to take the time to blog. As I said when I started this blog thingy, I write to get thing out of my head because if I don't, I picture my head exploding with green goo ooozing all over the place! I am a thinker, I over-analyze at times, I am a worry wart.. So I use this blog as my way to release my thoughts. As you can see from previous posts, my thoughts are not always serious-- sometimes they are actually pretty stupid! But today's blog is serious and I need to get this goo outta my head..before I start to ooze!


On Sunday 06/20/10, Father's Day.. a Lancaster Police Officer was shot and killed. His name was Officer Craig Shaw and he was the 1st officer to be lost in the Line of Duty in Lancaster. Here is a brief synopsis of what happened-- provided by The Officer Down Memorial Page (http://odmp.org/):

Police Officer Craig Shaw Lancaster Police Department, Texas

End of Watch: Sunday, June 20, 2010
Age: 37

Tour of Duty: 5 years
of Death: Gunfire
Officer Craig Shaw was shot and killed after responding to a shooting call at a local apartment complex in which a man had just been murdered. After arriving at the scene he and other officers began searching for the suspect. As the officers approached the man he suddenly turned and opened fire, fatally wounding Officer Shaw. Another officer returned fire and killed the suspect.The investigation revealed that the man who murdered Officer Shaw was the son of the Dallas Police Department's police chief. Officer Shaw had served with the Lancaster Police Department for five years. He is survived by his wife and two children (ages 13 & 7).


Anytime a police officer is killed in the line of duty, the pain and loss is felt among all police officer's and their families. Police Officers are brothers. They have bond like no other. Any police death is a tragic loss. Like always, these men and women died doing what they love to do. As you can see from above, this death has hit home a little harder, as the man who killed Officer Shaw was the son of the police chief in Dallas-- and as ya'll know, Husband works in Dallas and so this has been the main topic of most conversations!


Ok-- so here is where my goo is gonna start flowing out. Tomorrow is Officer Shaw's funeral as well as Husband's Birthday! We will be attending the funeral and this will be my 1st police funeral to go to. I am starting to build some anxiety in regards to going. I am scared.. and I am nervous... and I am almost sick to my stomach.

Being the wife of a cop is hard. I knew going into our marriage that being the wife of a cop would not be easy. Each night Husband goes to work, I always pray that he will come home safe the next morning...because I never know 100% that he will.

The plans to attend the funeral tomorrow has put the reality of this job in the forefront of my mind and it scares the crap out of me. When Husband goes to work, I cannot and will not allow myself to think of the unthinkable. I make the assumption he will come home safe. I have to make this assumption to keep my sanity... and I would probably think all other police officer's wives out there would agree. I am sure Mrs. Shaw did this same thing until Sunday. I have thought about and tried to imagine the feeling a wife would get when she gets that fateful knock on the door by fellow police officers. Officers who are there to tell her that her husband is gone..gone forever..never coming home. I cannot fathom in the slightest what the pain would be. Although I know that hundreds and thousands of officers, officer's wives & families, friends, and citizens will be attending the funeral tomorrow, I do not know how Mrs. Shaw and their family & friends can and will be strong enough to make it through the service... I am not sure how I will be strong enough to make it through the service. Because her reality is here. It was her time to lose the love of her life. The man she vowed to be with until death parts them, is now gone. What if next time it's Husband? I cannot say for sure that it won't be Husband. This puts a knot of fear in the bottom of my gut and this fear has buried in my soul.

All I can do is pray-- pray for the family of Officer Shaw. Pray that God will give them peace in this tradegy and for years to come. I pray for all other families and spouses who have lost their loved ones in the line of duty. I pray for God to protect all the men and women in blue that put themselves in harm's way each and every day..every hour they are working-- they are taking the risk of life and death..and they do it just to protect us all...to keep us safe. These officers do not do the job for money-- the money officers make are a joke (especially when you compare it to what athletes make)- it's disgusting. But they do the job for the love of the job. It is their passion, it is in their souls and I wish I could thank each and every one of them personally! I am privledged enough to see this passion every night when Husband goes to work and I am humbled by this passion. I pray for spouses and families of these officers, that they will never have to face the reality Mrs. Shaw and many others have had to face. And as for my family, I pray to God that He keeps Husband safe every night and brings him home to me every morning. However I know, if and when the day comes that God takes Husband home, it will be God's will. Husband would die for all of us--any day of the week, and minute of the day, because being an officer is what he loves and God bless him for that! Last but not least, I want to pray that Mrs. Shaw's nightmare never becomes my reality...because this reality sucks bad.
PS.. On a bright note, we will be celebrating the life of my Husband tomorrow afternoon! He is such a wonderful husband, father, friend and cop! I hope he has a fabulous day and know how much we all LOVE him with all of our hearts!